Excerpt below, full story on Cappy's website.
The First Ever Thanksgiving Feast
If getting ready for Thanksgiving has left you wondering why you
bothered, blame it on Myles Standish, Captain of the Mayflower, aka the
man who created holiday stress.
In August, he invited the Indians to a Labor Day party, got them roaring drunk so he could find out where wild turkeys hung out. Promising even more firewater, he conned them into showing Pilgrim women how to grow, harvest and cook maze, squash, pumpkins, turnips and Boston Baked Beans.
Pretty soon it was the end of November and Myles was once again thinking, PAR-TAY!
Now picture this: Captain Standish is relaxing on his horsehair couch reading Julius Caesar aloud, mooning over Priscilla Alden and watching football. (Pilgrims vs. Indians).
Now, picture his wife, Barbara, in the kitchen seriously thinking about wringing his neck instead of the fifty-pound-turkey he brought home. The woman is overwhelmed with twenty sacks of potatoes to mash and pumpkins the size of wagon wheels to pick and cook. The spaghetti squash she planted as an experiment exploded during a summer growth spurt, and her zukes got as big as Labrador Retrievers. She’s still got wheat to thrash and dough to rise and roll. The colossal turkey has eight-five pellets in its butt, thanks to Myles who introduced the Indians to firewater as well as firepower.
In August, he invited the Indians to a Labor Day party, got them roaring drunk so he could find out where wild turkeys hung out. Promising even more firewater, he conned them into showing Pilgrim women how to grow, harvest and cook maze, squash, pumpkins, turnips and Boston Baked Beans.
Pretty soon it was the end of November and Myles was once again thinking, PAR-TAY!
Now picture this: Captain Standish is relaxing on his horsehair couch reading Julius Caesar aloud, mooning over Priscilla Alden and watching football. (Pilgrims vs. Indians).
Now, picture his wife, Barbara, in the kitchen seriously thinking about wringing his neck instead of the fifty-pound-turkey he brought home. The woman is overwhelmed with twenty sacks of potatoes to mash and pumpkins the size of wagon wheels to pick and cook. The spaghetti squash she planted as an experiment exploded during a summer growth spurt, and her zukes got as big as Labrador Retrievers. She’s still got wheat to thrash and dough to rise and roll. The colossal turkey has eight-five pellets in its butt, thanks to Myles who introduced the Indians to firewater as well as firepower.