Sunday, November 18, 2012

Where's the Wine? (A Thanksgiving Story)

The holidays have started again - I look at the clock - is it too early to uncork (or in my case, unscrew) the wine?

I'm alone in the kitchen for a change. Blessed peace. No one else is in here to disturb or trip me yet. Why not? Because it's the crack of friggin dawn on Thanksgiving morning, and no one else is awake yet.

Not only am I the only one awake, but I'm the only one with one hand on a cup of coffee and the other up shoved up a turkey's butt. Stuffing time!

I start humming to distract myself from those wine thoughts and realize I'm humming the Whoville theme. Are there no Turkey Day songs out there? Maybe I'll write one! "I saw Mommy kissing the turkey under the oven with her hand up it's butt". Hmnn, not very flow-y is it?

Well, on to other things - I still have many Thanksgiving dishes to prepare today - I have to pour the mashed potatoes out of the box and add butter and milk; I have to use the can opener on BOTH ends of the cranberry sauce to let it slither like the lump of red stuff it is onto a plate; I have to microwave the 'steam in a bag' veggies; use the can opener again - this time on the microwave gravy; and thaw the pie. I still have to actually get the Stove Top into the bird, and since I forget those little shoe string tie things that keep the stuffing in the butt end, I now have to go rummage around in the garage for the duct tape.

Wow - I'm exhausted just thinking how I'll be slaving in a hot kitchen all day! Are we sure it's too early for wine?

The day lengthens as we all smell the turkey burn… um I mean roast delightfully. We've watched the parade - weren't they a lot more fun 30 years ago? Now it's just 400 bands, 3 floats and 1,400 tv "personalities" that won't shut up long enough for you to watch Barbie sing on one of the few floats.

Then the rest of the day we……….. wow, now that I think about it, there's not too much to do on Thanksgiving except eat is there? No wonder the wine empties out so quickly.

The special time has arrived! My family gathers at the table for the feast of the day. I smile with love and look at my children one by one, counting my own personal blessings that I have such a wonderful fam….WHAT is that stuck in her hair!?! OMG!!! Nasty! Oh right, blessings. Where was I?

We bow for prayer and when I look back up two milks have been spilt, the dog's tongue is in the mashed potatoes and a Star Wars figure is climbing the turkey. Did I mention the love I felt for my wonderful family? My husband looks at the table already partially destroyed, looks at the dog's face, looks at me with a plea in his eye… "Is there more wine?"

Twenty fast and furious minutes later the table is a shambles, what's left of the food appearing to have survived a tornado. The dog is happily eating her way through the underside of the table, the Star Wars figure has conquered the turkey and gone on to another galaxy, the children stuffed with food and pie are now laying in a pile on the floor. Husband has turned to football and light snoozing.

I turn slowly and observe the dining room and then the kitchen. Pots, pans, glasses, dried mystery goo on the floor that even the dog won't touch, odd explosions stuck to the ceiling, 1 very small dishwasher, not enough Tupperware.

Wow. I hope the 24 hour store that's open on Thanksgiving has more wine.


Idgie shares her joyous holiday memories with ya'll.  :)