Thursday, February 5, 2009

Kudzu Monkey Sighting

My introduction to kudzu monkeys came from the girl child. I'm not quite sure where she first heard of them, from a friend at school or from the short lived television series "Freaky Links." After she first related the story of the monkey like creatures which lived in the kudzu, I went to work and asked my co-workers if they'd ever heard of such things. One of them related a story to me she'd heard when she was younger, some of you know her as "Lil' Miss Mullett." She stated that her father-in-law had seen one of them, late one night as he drove home from a little church in an area known as Spring Creek. Her father-in-law is a devout southern baptist preacher, his sermons centering on the evils of alcohol, how the problems with society today center around women's choice to work outside the home and the devil lurking around every corner, just waiting to lead us astray.

The church he ministers to is way back up in the mountains, along a road so narrow and winding that there are signs posted forbidding semi-trucks and urging drivers to be aware of switch-back turns and warnings of the lack of guard rails. She related the story of his sighting of a kudzu monkey as follows:

"He was driving home, down off Spring Creek, alone after the Sunday night service when he spotted something in the road. Thinking it was most likely a possum, it being at night and all, he slowed down to let it pass. It was then that this thing, which was NOT a possum turned and looked at him, frozen in his headlights and he got a real good look at it. It was about the size of a two year old, yeller eyes and black hair all over it's body. It looked kinda like a monkey, but it walked more upright. He just sat there, both of them lookin' at each other. He said it was then that he heard a weird noise, like a hollar, but not human like. It didn't come from the thing he was a'lookin' at, but from over in the kudzu. It was then that the critter turned and looked in the direction the sound came from then lumbered off and disappeared up into the thick vines. He ain't never drove home alone from Sunday night service at night again."

After her telling of the story, she felt she should make it clear that her father-in-law "ain't prone to drinkin' or lyin'" and he is, after all, a well respected preacher and a pillar of the community. I've never seen one, but I'd surely have to change my drawers if I did. They sound pretty scarey. It seems as though what he'd seen was almost like a smaller version of Bigfoot. I'd like to point out as well that the residents of this area didn't have the priviledge of cable television until relatively recently and it wasn't until a couple of years ago that inexpensive satellite dishes became the norm, jokingly refered to by residents as the state tree of North Carolina. Because of this, it's unlikely that his story was influenced by media reports of Sasquatch like animals in the northwest, as it happened probably twenty or so years ago.

I'll keep my eyes open. If I see one, I'll let ya'll know. After I change my drawers.

Written by: Mahala in the Holler