Friday, July 7, 2006
THE KUDZU CONSPIRACY!
What you are fixing to read is not the wild imaginings of some publicity-seeking whacked out money-grabbing goofball, but the cold hard facts and some reasonable and sobering conclusions based on those facts. As a matter of fact, the Kudzu Conspiracy has been well documented for many years, but this documentation has been suppressed by those participating in the conspiracy. They would have you believe that Kudzu is simply a harmless fuzzy plant that grows a teensy-weensy bit faster than usual -- DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!
It's always best to start with the dictionary definition, just so you can clearly see how pervasive and deeply entrenched this conspiracy really is. As you learn the facts, you will see that even the all-hallowed American Heritage Dictionary is a party to this deliberate deluge of misinformation:
(kud´zu) --n. A vine, Pueraria lobata, native to Japan, that has compound leaves and clusters of reddish-purple flowers and is grown for fodder and forage. (Japanese "kuzu")
Next, let's look at the description of Kudzu given by another co-conspirator, the publishers of the Concise Columbia Encyclopedia:
Kudzu, Pueraria lobata (formerly P. thunbergiana) - - Kudzu is native to China and Japan, where it is cultivated for its edible roots and for its stem fibers, known as ko-hemp. It was introduced as an ornamental under it's Japanese name into the southern United States during the 1870s; the related P. tuberosa and P. phaseoloides were introduced about 1911.
What are these passages really saying? It's as plain as the nose on your face! Can Kudzu really be used for "fodder and forage?" NO! Cows won't eat it, goats won't eat it, horses won't eat it, not one animal in the United States will eat it, not even the bugs will eat it! Why? Because it tastes horrible and it's too darn fuzzy and too tough to chew, that's why. You ever see a farmer deliberately plant Kudzu so his livestock can graze on it? NO! Why? Because nothing will eat it! Those are that facts, and they are in direct contradiction to what the big publishing companies would have you to believe.
Why, you ask, would they disseminate this type of incorrect and misleading information? Because they're part of the conspiracy, that's why!
What is it that Kudzu actually does? It grows like a son-of-a-gun! Kudzu grows at an astounding rate -- over one foot a day. Haven't you seen Kudzu growing along the highway, trying to grow out into the traffic lanes? The only thing that stops it from growing right out and over the road is the constant crushing from tractor-trailer tires. You've seen this with your own eyes, if you will just stop and think about it.
When Kudzu runs up against something, it climbs right up. Actually, Kudzu grows faster vertically than it grows along the ground, because it will only flower and produce seeds if it is 50 or 60 feet up in the air! Trees and houses get grown over with the stuff in a matter of a few weeks! Why is that important? Not only trees and houses, but also telephone poles, stands for electrical power lines, microwave towers, need I go on? Think about it - - everything we rely on for commerce and communications is up on a pole or on top of a tower. What would happen if all of these were to be overgrown with Kudzu? Total chaos and anarchy, that's what!
How can you get rid of Kudzu? YOU CAN'T! The roots go down over 10 feet deep. You can't pull it up out of the ground, and if you try to dig it up and miss even the smallest piece of the roots, it grows right back! Kudzu produces seed like the dickens, too. One seed pod can have over 100 seeds, and one Kudzu vine can have as many as 500 seed pods! These "seeds of destruction" blow all over the countryside, and can land up to several miles away. They will germinate and grow vigorously under just about any conditions! They'll sprout out of cracks in the pavement if that's where they land.
Who "introduced" the demon plant Kudzu to the United States? The Japanese, that's who. Well, that's real interesting, isn't it? Here's how that happened: Back in the 1870's the US Forestry Service was having some erosion problems down South. Logging of pine trees left bare patches of red clay soil, and it was difficult to get anything to grow back very quickly. The man who was targeted by the Japanese secret operatives and the one who would be used to implement their cruel and destructive plot was Ranger Roger Jacobs, trusted veteran of the US Forestry Service in Billville, Georgia. "Gee whiz," said Ranger Roger, "I wish there were some type of plant that would grow quickly enough to cover the ground before the erosion got so bad." Japanese secret operatives found out about this, and one day an envelope with no return address arrived in Ranger Roger's mail.
Inside the envelope were, you guessed it, Kudzu seeds. Also inside was a little note that said "tly these seeds -- they may plovide the answer to your elosion plobrem." Being the trusting soul that he was, Ranger Roger didn't suspect a thing. He planted the seeds, and found the plant that grew from them did pretty well in the red clay soil and grew just about as fast as honeysuckle vines. This was better than anything else he had, so Ranger Roger started to propagate the plant and build up a seed stock so the plant could be distributed to other forest rangers. This plant was the first species of Kudzu, Pueraria lobata. This is not the same species that is now covering the countryside at such an alarming rate, but sending this species over first was part of the insidious master plan.
Over the next 20 years, the US Forestry Service planted this first, slow-growing type of Kudzu throughout the South. It worked OK, but just didn't grow fast enough to cover the ground very effectively. "Gee," thought Ranger Roger around 1910, "I wish there were some other species of this plant that grew a little more quickly." Sure enough, around 1910 as best as we can determine (the original historic documents were lost in an old-growth stand of Kudzu) Ranger Roger got another letter in the mail - - no return address. Inside the letter were some more seeds that looked similar to the first ones, but were a little bigger, and a little fuzzier. There was a note inside, but we will never know what it said because Ranger Roger was so excited to get the new type of seeds that he never read the note. Those seeds, as we now sadly know all too well, were the species P. tuberosa and P. phaseoloides - - developed in secret Japanese laboratories to be the fastest growing plants in the world!
Ranger Roger planted the new seeds, and they started to grow within just a few days! They grew very quickly, and seemed to be the answer to Ranger Roger's prayers. Little did he know, he was a pawn in the calculated plot to destroy the very infrastructure of the country he loved so dearly. Within just a few years, the new type of Kudzu was distributed and planted all over the Southern states.
You see, the master plan was working. With the first kind of Kudzu, the seed production and distribution network had been set up. Now the new accelerated growth species of Kudzu could be spread out beyond any hope of recovery before there was time to see just what type of damage it would cause.
Around the end of the 1930's, the US Forest Service realized that they had made a terrible, terrible mistake in planting the new species of Kudzu. Wherever the new Kudzu had been planted, it had spread out of control and was wreaking havoc on the countryside. It grew out of the "erosion control" areas and into the surrounding forests. It grew up and over the forest trees, blanketing and smothering them with fuzzy mats of inedible leaves. The weight of the heavy and rope-like Kudzu vines pulled down the trees as they died off. The forest was being devastated over thousands of acres with a bright green unstoppable abomination.
At this time, a program to eradicate the Kudzu was developed. The Kudzu was just about beyond the point of no return for any hope of killing it off, and the program was an emergency "last-ditch" effort backed up by an Executive Order. Everyone involved in the eradication program knew it was going to be close, and every able-bodied member of the Forest Services, National Guard and Armed Forces Reserves would have to give it everything they had for the eradication to be successful. Secret Japanese operatives became aware of the plan. If the program to eliminate Kudzu was successful, years of secret infiltration and laboratory research would be all for naught. The Japanese knew they had to do something drastic to derail the Kudzu elimination operation. It would have to be something so outrageous and provocative that everyone would forget about the Kudzu for a few more years until it had grown past the point of any hope for eliminating it.
Well, let's stop and think a minute. Hmmmmm, did the Japanese do something distracting and provocative around the early 1940's? You're dern tootin' they did - - Pearl Harbor, that's what! As a result, every man, woman and child in the United States became occupied with the War Effort, with little or no time for anything else. As a result of this deliberate and devilish tactic of distraction, the plan to eliminate Kudzu was put on the back burner until after the end of W.W.II, and by then it was too late.
The Kudzu had grown so widely that there would never be any hope of eliminating it - - and the "choking out" of the United States was now only a matter of time.
My friends, the rest is history, or is yet to be history. You see all around you today the evidence of the Kudzu blight that is upon this land. Inexorably the stranglehold widens and tightens, acre after acre after acre. Before too much longer, we will have reached the point where each and every man, woman and child will be circled around their home with weed whackers and hedge trimmers trying to keep the little plot of land they call theirs from being overrun by the evil green menace. It will be a full-time job, folks, just keeping the strangling tangled web of fuzzy green leaves from growing over us all. In the long run, it will be a futile effort.
Kudzu doesn't sleep, Kudzu doesn't get tired, Kudzu won't stop for anything or anybody. Even in the winter, when it looks like the Kudzu is stopped by the cold and frost, it's growing underground. The roots keep spreading out and when spring comes, the Kudzu leaps from hidden places and wins back it's lost ground and more, much much more. Maybe you and I won't be here to see it, maybe our children's children will be the ones to shriek the final silent scream of Kudzu-muffled terror as the last little piece of blue sky left is covered over by the unstoppable wave of fuzzy green growth.
THERE ARE A LOT OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES GOING AROUND about everything from Ebola Virus to the Trilateral Commission. DON'T BE DISTRACTED. All the other conspiracies are part of the conspiracy to keep you from finding out about the real conspiracy, which is the KUDZU CONSPIRACY. Look at the evidence presented here, and make your own decision, of your own free will. But - - DON'T BE FOOLED! Anyone who tells you that the very idea of a Kudzu Conspiracy is ridiculous is either distracted by the other conspiracies designed to keep them from seeing the real conspiracy, or they are a part of the conspiracy. KEEP WATCH -- BE VIGILANT -- BUY LOTS OF GAS POWERED WEED WHACKERS AND REFILL SPOOLS!
What can one person like you or I do? Not much. Maybe sound the alarm or drive a little closer to the side of the road to clear a wider path on the highways of our own villages and towns. I run a little damage settlement business, when I can find the time for it, but friends, fighting this evil green monster is taking up more and more of my time. It's hard for me to make ends meet any more, but my children, and my children's children might not understand that I had to stop working to save them just to put a little food on the table and keep the lights turned on. BUT, if we all work together, maybe we can make a difference. Maybe we can find a cure. Maybe we can make a scientific miracle happen and come up with a way to win the day.
I would like to thank Chad Hower,
a.k.a. Kudzu for this little bit of Kudzu info!
(He's not the author of this piece, but he did find it years ago - author unknown)