Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Explorin' the Competition

I'm going to tell ya'll a bit about the competition here! There's a magazine, been out about a year or more, called Y'all.

Now please note it's spelled different that I spell it. Depends on the region you're from and how you pronounce it I think. I say YA - all, and they........well, they apparently say it wrong.

I have copied below an article Rhonda Rich wrote for the magazine last year. The website for the magazine doesn't seem to really keep up with their issues. But the article is amusing.

The magazine seems to cover everything from entertainment, music, that pesky thing called sports, and recipes.

It's a bit expensive in my eyes. If you order a copy online, it's $5.95! But a subscription is $19.95 for a year - only 6 issues. I might have to get one and check it out.

Here's Rhonda's article for YA-all.

What Southern Women Know
Y’all Yankees Should Know The Rules
from the November/December 2004 Issue
by Rhonda Rich

Southern women are terrific at writing our own rules. Of course, we don’t always go to the extreme of imposing these rules on ourselves but we do sweetly suggest that others follow the guidelines we have devised.

Here’s a rule of Southern womanhood: Never be offensive to a Yankee who has enough courtesy to stay put above the Mason-Dixon line. There is no sense in ruining our gracious image by being mean to those who know their place. Besides, there are some excellent Yankees, both here and there, who should not be judged by the behavior of the obnoxious ones.

Another rule is that if they do move to Dixie, then do your best to win them over. Mold ‘em more into our image because, after all, the world could use more of our kind. Teach ‘em the importance of multiple casserole recipes, sweet tea, hand-written thank you notes, perfect hair and silver patterns. We know going in, that it might be a losing battle. Admittedly, we Southerners have lost a few battles to the Yankees but we have also won some mighty important ones. Therefore, we are never without hope. We are an optimistic society.

Some Yankees complain loudly of their treatment when they move South. Maybe it would be beneficial to explain a few things that might help us all get along better. I don’t suspect any Yankees will be thumbing through Y’all, looking for tips on harmonious living but some of y’all might want to clip it out and send it to offenders. This, of course, should be done courteously and anonymously. We wouldn’t want to offend anyone openly.

Number One Rule: All white flags are immediately rescinded the moment that a Yankee makes fun of us. That is called stepping across the proverbial magnolia line. We don’t cotton well to it at all and anger crawls across us as quickly as kudzu spreads in the summer heat. Here are other words that rile us mightily:

I can’t understand a word any of you people say. Sounds like you have a mouthful of grits. Why on earth would anyone come to a person’s homeland and make fun of the way they talk? Would you go to England or Scotland and spit their words back in their faces? That’s bad manners at their worse. Besides, we’re proud of the Scotch-Irish, French and English accents that dance through our words. It’s lyrical and soothing.

That’s not the way we did it up North. We’ll try to be polite but underneath, we’re seething when we hear this. Bottom line: We don’t care. It’s how we do it here and we’re the ones who have been nursing this land back to health since the war that ravaged us and the depression that dang near starved us.

I’m surprised that so many people have indoor plumbing. If you really thought that, then why were you dumb enough to move here?

Is in-breeding a wide-spread practice? Now, here’s an example of over-the-top rudeness: A transplanted Yankee clipped out a wedding announcement and took into the bank to share with my niece’s husband. “Look here!” the Yankee exclaimed happily. “Nix Marries Nix! All my friends up North told me I shouldn’t move down here where they in-breed. I’m mailing this to them to see they were right!”

Without a smile, Jay replied, “That’s my brother-in-law.” My nephew had married a young woman who, coincidentally, had the same last name. No relation.

Now, a Southerner would have had the grace to salvage the moment. For instance, had we said something unkind about our most hated enemy, General Sherman, and the person replied, “He was my great grandfather”, we would have recovered quickly to said something like, “And I’m sure he was a fine family man. We just found him lacking in certain social graces.”

But not that Yankee. That Yankee, instead, clapped his hands together in delight and laughed gleefully. Apparently, he was happy to meet a member of the clan.

You need to know this: When you cast aspersions on our bloodlines or our families, you have crossed the line into the marshes of dark anger. You will not win. Instead, you will sink only into a murky abyss.

All I know about the Civil War is that we won. Those are sure-fire words that’ll end the cease fire.

There are some nice Yankees who live here and are a welcomed addition to our homeland. But some of ‘em are giving all of ‘em a bad name. So, perhaps we should prevail kindly on the nice Yankees to take care of the mean Yankees.

Apparently, southern niceness isn’t working completely.

Ronda Rich is the author of What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should).