Friday, August 19, 2005

"Are you a Southerner?"

This happens to be floating around the internet, on about a thousand sites, so I'm not giving credit to anyone since I don't actually know who's it is. But it's an amusing list and I'm proud to say that I understood each and everyone line! (I'm pretty sure I had this list on my blog at one time.)

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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Southerners refer to one or many persons as "ya'll."
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
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To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, ! I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____
Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day!

1 comment:

Phyllis S said...

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

Puts me in mind of my trip to Manhatten last November with two other friends who, after about three-four hours on the street on Saturday, lamented, "Everyone's so rude."
I replied, "They're not rude. You want southern chit-chat/hospitality/get-to-know-you. These folks ain't about that. You can talk to them all day long & it is not going to turn out your momma knows their momma or your cousin was their roommate in college or you were a maid of honor in their now best friend's wedding. Just not gonna happen."