Friday, June 20, 2008

Cow Tippin' - A Southern Thang

Now, another little Southern past-time. Actually I believe it’s more of a mid-western thing, but if there’s cows and drunk people, there’s cow tipping. I grew up in the Deep South and we certainly had idjit boys trying this so perhaps we should change this from a regional habit to a "wherever there's a cow" habit.

I’ve been reading up on it here and there - I always have to research these in-depth discussion topics I come up with - and people seem to think (Obviously not people that wear cowboy boots and John Deere caps at the same time) that cow tipping is a myth. A snipe. That it’s a bunch of yahoos making it up.

I am here to debunk that load of hogwash. Cow tipping is very real - it’s just often not done that well, or successfully.

** Note to PETA - as an animal lover I personally in no way condone cow tipping so don’t try to ride up all over me!**

If you don’t know, cow tipping involves four main ingredients: beer, cows, boredom and having your brain turned off. I went to high school in a tiny little town in the Deep South - we had a fine combination of all four. I could name names, but even in school all the guys owned guns so....

The premise here is that you sneak into a cow field, dodge cow patties (unless you’re drunk, then you don’t care about cow patties) and attempt to sneak up on a cow and....

now this does take more than one person, but no one goes cow tipping alone, that’s boring - plus there'd be no one around to call your Mama and tell the story about your last moments on earth.....

you try to PUSH THE COW OVER.

N0w, people are arguing that there is no such thing since cows don’t sleep standing up, they’re hard to push over, etc. etc.

I didn’t say that it was always successful, I say it exists.

I don’t know if cows actually sleep standing up, but they do stand there a lot with their eyelids almost closed and their little cud chewing motions going on. They are hard to push over, but I’ve seen a few attempts.

I will note here that in a failure situation, them there dern cows tend to get a mite riled up. If you're a bit too tipsy to make the fence in a speedy fashion...well....let's just say that other friend is gonna have to sober up enough to make that call to Mama.

If you have any fascinating cow tipping stories, please forward to the Editor. I'd love to hear them.